Friday
17:30 Four In A Bad (C4)
Sounds saucy, no? It's actually a group of the country's most petty people traipsing around each other's B&Bs in the hope that they'll find some dust on the picture frames. High octane stuff.
19:55 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent (More 4)
Phil Spencer wanders around people's homes stating the blooming obvious to help sell their homes. "Maybe you move the burnt-out Cortina from your front garden?" "Flush the floater away?" Just the basics.
21:00 Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle Of Life (SyFy)
9pm will inexplicably see fatigued teenage boys across the country say to their parents "I'm feeling a bit tired, probably just gonna go to my room and watch some telly."
21:00 The Wedding Date (E4)
I love films; I watch a lot of them. But I failed to make it through to the end of this one. Twice. You'd honestly have more fun bathing your eyes in vinegar. Whilst listening to N-Dubz.
Saturday
11:20 The Green Berets (C5)
If you're planning on curling up on the sofa expecting to watch a matinee featuring a troupe of Parisian fashionistas as they parade around town sporting the iconic headgear of the age… then stop right there; you've got your wires crossed.
19:30 River Cottage Veg (C4)
That bloke with the AGA gets excited about veg.
18:35 The Mask Of Zorro (5*)
It probably stinks… he sweats a lot in that mask.
20:00 Suits (Dave)
Are you watching this? You probably should be, it's awesome.
20:30 Big Fat Gypsie Weddings (C4)
Big fat gypsies get hitched. In pink.
Sunday
17:00 The Never Ending Story (ITV2)
Concludes at 18:55
17:00 The Alamo (ITV4)
Feature-lenth drama about the volatile car rental forecourt at Alicante Airport.
22:00 Rambo (C5)
Adriiiiaaaaaan! ……… maybe not.
22:35 War of The Worlds (BBC1)
Aliens. Spielberg. Criuse. Crap.
