We’ve all had terrible experiences with estate agents. They mess our appointments around, charge extortionate fees, and have their own special language to describe the properties on their books. Here are some stellar examples of the latter, along with their true meanings:
Excellent transport links = there’s a bus stop 20 minutes’ walk away that takes you to the nearest tube station
A charming period property = the roof leaks with the slightest bit of drizzle, it’s not double glazed so the windows rattle when a van drives past, and there’s a mouse infestation
Borders Finsbury Park = it’s in Tottenham
Brand new price = it’s been on the market for six months
Situated in an imposing building = like Alcatraz overlooking the M25
Internal viewing recommended = see above
Bijou: there’s almost enough room for a dog the size of a German Shepherd or a Labrador, almost
Cosy = the bathtub is in the living room, separated by a flimsy curtain
Compact = reach the “bedroom” by climbing over the kitchen sink
And our all-time favourite: deceptively spacious = all three of the above
Sadly, we’ve seen all of these, and lived in some of them. But what we really want to know is why we’ve never met an estate agent down the local boozer. Do they lie about their jobs? Do they just not live in London because, ironically, they can't afford to? Are you an estate agent yourself, and if so, do you tell people what you do for a living?
Leave us a comment on our forum: are you friends with an estate agent?
