"Taxi!"Review Rating: Reviewed by Leila
Pictures on various websites promised us a magical display of intermittent LED lights above our heads while we sashayed on the dancefloor, therefore we couldn’t wait to dash down to Vauxhall’s Lightbox on a Saturday night. Once inside however, the brightly lit corridor and grotesque neon illumination made us suspect this wouldn’t be the magical experience we expected.
Despite being far from filled to capacity there was enough screaming and drunken staggering around to make us feel as if we were watching a football match – and the majority of the punters looked like they’d just been to one. Leery men, the odd scrap here and there, orange faced girls in very little clothing…it was going to be a long night, particularly since learning that the DJ we were here to see (and who was billed as tonight’s main DJ) was only playing from 2.30-4.30. I’d usually be up in arms about trekking to South London and paying £10 to see a main act who’s only going to be playing a two hour set, however in this particular case it worked in our favour as any more time spent here and I’d be needing a tranquilizer gun.
We headed upstairs to the seating area to wait, and it was only then we realised that Lightbox is the same venue that plays host to Fire, the popular gay afterhours club. In the 45 minutes we were seated a security guard patrolled around five times flashing a torch at everyone he went past, on one occasion stopping to examine a guy’s hand which happened to be clasped shut resting on his knee. The guy, bemused, looked up at this self-important clown who eventually walked off after about 30 seconds of intensive light-flashing and staring, only to return minutes later to repeat his routine. What did they think we were doing up there, making firearms? Most amusingly, in the far corner a couple were aggressively making out and there were moments when we weren’t entirely sure whether full-on sex was taking place or not. The security guard didn’t bother them.
Once on the dancefloor the LED lights sadly just looked tacky, the people on it were either falling over each other or shoving their way around despite there being plenty of space (the dancefloor was half empty). The lads were doing their very manly ‘wave one arm in the air and nod your head’ style of dance. Get off the dancefloor and back to your TV set.
While we waited for the bus home, a group of girls not much older than 14 in skimpy clothing strutted past and bragged about punching someone in the face, another very young looking girl was being chatted up by a somewhat pervy guy three times her age, and two groups of boys were shouting some sort of threatening intelligible nonsense at each other. Where was my bus…?
Leila reviewed The Lightbox on Wed 11 Mar 2009