London’s Olympic dream is nigh. The Union Jacks that have been swaying in the wind since the Diamond Jubilee celebrations epitomise the hope that Britain may collect a hefty bag of medals. If for some unimaginable reason this sporting achievement should not go to plan, never mind. And if you’re sick of hearing about the world’s biggest sporting event, then help is at hand. May these weird and in some cases downright silly award contests provide an antidote to the Olympic fever.
Shed of the Year
The United States have Redneck Games, so over here we have… the Shed of the Year Awards. Such is the British obsession with gardening that this competition exists. Winning sheds are those that have been transformed, say, into a three dimensional Piet Mondrian, or a colourful Chinese pagoda. It’s serious business; the competition has been going strong since 2007 and can now count TV’s property guru and erstwhile sexpot Sarah Beeny and ingenious fantasy author Neil Gaiman as judges. One lucky shed-owner wins…a shed! Of course not, who needs two sheds? Instead they get a cash prize which can be put towards redecorating their shed.
Green Flag Award
Rather more serious is the Green Flag Award, which is a status awarded to well-maintained parks. Queen’s Park has one, and so does Hackney Marshes; in fact there are a total of 227 green-flagged parks in London. Parks have to apply for the award, or rather, someone who is very enthusiastic about one has to. Local councils support the scheme, however it is judged independently (the Green Flag people are always on the lookout for judges, so get in touch with them if you fancy exerting some authority over a patch of cowslips). There is also a special award for “innovation”, where a park demonstrates its ability to change with the times. In 2009 Burnham Beeches won the innovation award for its clever marketing, which the City of London had previously purchased despite being located in Buckinghamshire. That’s some astute PRing.
\n\nThe Chap Olympiad
Refreshingly tongue in cheek, the Chap Olympiad “separates the chaps, from the chumps”. Essentially men in moustaches wear tweed and compete in things like umbrella jousting and cucumber sandwich discus, however perhaps the most rewarding contest is the dry gin martini competition, where the men must concoct this classic cocktail to the best of their ability. Organised by The Chap monthly magazine, this annual event takes place on Bedford Square.
Sh*t London Awards
While traditionally award ceremonies serve to recognise excellence in a field, the Sh*t London Awards do quite the opposite. A blog devoted to posting the worst the city has to offer, its photo competition invites members of the public to send in images of the most decrepit and decaying scenes they come across in London. Categories include Ugliest Building and Most Depressing View From Work, but sifting through these entries is still far more interesting than looking at pictures of garden sheds.
Forever Eggsploring
Forever Eggsploring is the name of a blog with a challenge, to find the best Scotch egg ever (well, mostly within the M25). Food and travel writer Mr David Constable painstakingly visits pubs and restaurants like The Harwood Arms and Dean Street Townhouse in search of the perfect egg. He then rates them on his blog according to taste, texture and appearance. So far a winner has yet to be found, but given the gourmet list of contenders, it’s safe to assume there’ll be a few more added to the list yet. Top marks to Constable for his unflinching commitment.
\n\nBig Brother Awards
Don’t yawn – this has nothing to do with crowning the biggest airhead to enter the hackneyed reality show. This prize is solely for those who have performed particularly well where violation of privacy is concerned. Although the award originated in the UK in 1998, dozens of countries around the world now participate, including, the US and South Korea. A panel composed of academics, legal professionals, civil rights activists and journalists vote for the biggest offender each year, the aim being to expose government departments or private companies that pose a threat to personal privacy. In 2005 it was Tony Blair, who received a Lifetime Menace Award, but no evidence has ever surfaced of him collecting the gong. Winners receive a beautiful trophy depicting a large boot stamping on a head.
Also…
The Great Spitalfields Pancake Race: Like the egg and spoon race but with pancakes. This race takes place on Pancake Day, and raises money for charity. The winner gets to eat all the pancakes (hopefully).
Shoreditch: Frequent informal contests themed on fashion and blogging take place in and around this area, usually at weekends. Characters dressed like 80s popstress Tiffany compete in categories like Latest Vintage Eyewear and Fastest Instagram Upload. The winners get kudos from their peers, but little remuneration from anyone else.
