Not a lot of my current friends know this, it’s always something that I’ve tried to keep a lid on… but as a young, spotty impressionable teen I was brain-washed by a religion. A religion that whisks you away from the mediocrity of a soulless society, undoes every mistruth you’ve ever been taught, gives you a cause to believe in... and dresses you inappropriately on a Friday night. The name of this religion? ROCK.
I was spellbound by the pointy guitars and effeminate hair-doos of men who wear tight faded denim, spandex leggings and, point-blank, refuse to give a damn. Men whose plasma screens have the vital destiny of ending up in pieces on the floor of a Travelodge car park; men who would rather urinate on the shoes of Tony Blair than be told they can’t smoke in their local Wetherspoons and, crucially, men that would chase Pete Tong down a dark alley with the sole intention of giving him a wedgie, making fun of his swanky shoes and stealing his milk money.
I was hypnotized by all the usual suspects: Van Halen, Aerosmith, Alice In Chains, Metallica and, for the really tough times, Def Lepard - you’ve never known euphoria until you’ve seen Joe Elliot do a tiger-kick live on stage in the second chorus of Animal.
As time forged on and the primeval pressures to attract a buxom companion became irrepressible I was drawn from the greasy humid mosh-pits of my youth to the glitzy clinical environs of the wine bar... I turned my back on a warm pint of John Smiths served in a plastic pint glass for the pomp of a woos-sized beverage with a lime-wedge in the top... and my feet were conditioned to tap to the monotonous output of Judge "my spectacles are unbecoming" Jules in a bid to woo the lovelies.
But, underneath it all... I still know how to rock!
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like on the other side… check out these latest dates for the best rock gigs in town:
Areosmith - Sun 24 Jun 2007 to Sun 24 Jun 2007 - Hyde Park
Metallica - Sun 08 Jul 2007 to Sun 08 Jul 2007 - Wembley Stadium
Saxon - Tue 15 May 2007 – Astoria
(warning please don't attend this unless you've been rocking professionally for at least 5 years)
Stiff Little Fingers - Fri 30 Mar 2007 – Astoria
The Who - Tue 26 Jun 2007 - Wembley Arena
... and for those that want to break in gently what about a bit of:
Tony Bennet! - Sun 29 Apr 2007 to Mon 30 Apr 2007 - Royal Albert Hall
To see a full list of upcoming gigs and concert tickets click here