If I ruled London, by James Buckley

James Buckley of The Inbetweeners talks cyclists, swanky pads and a giant statue of himself presiding over London.
If I ruled London, by James Buckley picture

The Inbetweeners are back with their second movie in August. To tide you over till then, we ask James Buckley (aka the very mischievous Jay) what he would do if he was Mayor of London.

Who or what would you put on the fourth plinth of Trafalgar Square?
A statue of myself, slightly taller than Nelson. Probably doing something iconic like Usain Bolt’s pose, that would be appropriate. Just a big statue of me, looking over the city, just letting everyone know who’s calling the shots.

You are given several million pounds to build something new. What would you do?
A giant soft play building for adults. I’m sure I could make it cheaper than several million! A huge building full of bouncy castles, ball pits, cushions, assault courses, but obviously so big and deep that it will take you a few days to get through it and get out. It’s like a weekend retreat. And also bring in lasertag aswell. I think Londoners would appreciate that and it would definitely make me very popular.

Where would be a good place for it?
On the Thames. A floating building on the Thames. And then once you do get out you have to do a little swim afterwards to get back to the mainland.

So you’re making sure exercise is involved as well.
Yeah, I’m all for that, it’s part of my policies.

What would you make free?
Travel obviously. Don’t get me started on travel. The tube, as great as it is and as quick as it is, costs a fortune, you can’t get a seat, it’s really hot, and it’s a really uncomfortable way to travel,so I’d make it free. It’s not the cleanest, and I’m not going to put air conditioning in it and things like that, but I want to make it free.

You’d have to make some cuts then…
Something that people don’t like…to keep myself popular as mayor…what do people not like about London? This is turning into Question Time now, I feel like you’re Jeremy Paxman. I mean obviously I haven’t thought everything through yet, but there will be policies put in place.

Who or what would you ban from the streets?
I’ve got some interesting views on this question that might come across as unpopular: cyclists. I don’t like saying that because I don’t want to tar them all with the same brush, because that’s cyclism, and I don’t agree with that. But a lot of them are very dangerous, and I mean for them. If I’m in a car or a taxi I’m safe, but I feel it’s the cyclist that’s going to get hurt at the end of the day and I don’t want that to happen. If they’re on the left, by the kerb, by a parked car, they’ll just swing right out and won’t look, and I think come on guys, you’re going to hurt your legs or whatever, scrape your knees, and I wouldn’t want that. But I do know there are a lot of good cyclists and I understand that it’s much better for the environment.

But you’re doing this for the wellbeing of cyclists?
Actually yes, because if a bike and a car had a fight, there’s only going to be one winner. I mean if you put a bike and a car in a room together they won’t do anything, but put a man behind the wheel and he’s got a lethal weapon.

What would you do with Buckingham Palace?
As mayor for the people of London, I would like to do something for the people of London. Maybe as Londoners we buy out the Queen and her family, say look, you’ve got a load of other places to live, we bought you this new house, this swanky pad near Centre Point that’s very well connected, you guys move into there, chill out, relax, it’s got everything you need, and we’re going to take over the palace and turn it into a hotel owned by Londoners. So if you live in London you’re not going to stay there, but anyone that does come to London, obviously pays for the hotel, and it’s going to be a nice hotel as well, it’s Buckingham Palace, so it’s going to cost a few quid. But then that’s how we pay for the free travel!

If you could start an awards ceremony, who would you give awards to and for what?
I would start an awards ceremony for lower league, grass roots football. I’m a Crystal Palace fan but when I was growing up the team that I went to see the most was the most local team to me, Dagenham & Redbridge, and to this day the most star-truck I’ve ever been is meeting a guy called Mark Janey who used to play on the wing, and he was a bit of a hero of mine growing up and I watched him every week. I’d like to see these people get more recognition because they make such a great impression on young people. Anyway, that was a soppy answer wasn’t it?

James Buckley and @UKBing went on a pub crawl and this is how it went.

Published Jun 16, 2014