The 13th Chap Olympiad will take place on Saturday 15th July in its usual home of Bedford Square Gardens, London. This celebration of British sporting ineptitude will feature the usual programme of ridiculously unchallenging acts of buffoonery that can barely be described as sports: Tea Pursuit, Umbrella Jousting, Butler Baiting and Aunt Avoidance.
New challenges will be presented, to avoid any chance of contestants preparing for the event. Any form of training, working out, gymnasium attendance or the consideration of anything except the cut of one’s trousers and the perfect buttonhole is frowned upon by the judges, who simply know when someone is trying too hard.
The only qualities required by contestants are skulduggery, subterfuge, caddishness and guile. The only preparations they need to make are within the confines of their tailor’s fitting room. Ladies need not concern themselves with anything but choosing suitable hosiery for the climate and which particular cocktail they might take several of on Saturday 15th July.