The 14th Chap Olympiad will take place on Saturday 14th July in its usual home of Bedford Square Gardens, London. This celebration of British sporting ineptitude will feature the usual programme of ridiculously unchallenging acts of buffoonery that can barely be described as sports: Tea Pursuit, Umbrella Jousting, Butler Baiting and Aunt Avoidance.
This year sees the nation’s most eccentric sporting event undergo a few radical improvements to its format, to ensure that dandies, flappers and dandizettes enjoy flaunting their well-chosen outfits in an even more conducive environment.
This year The Chap is determined to set some new world records. Existing world records we shall be attempting to break at the Chap Olympiad include The Most Hats Worn While Riding a Bicycle and Tossing a Hat on to a Hat stand (yes, incredibly, these world records already exist). New world records we will be inviting our Olympians to set for the first time include Most Ties Knotted in One Minute, Most People Smoking One Pipe and Fastest Sprint Holding a Cup of Tea.
All this means that more guests than ever will get the chance to try their Chap Olympic Skills, either in our scheduled events or in breaking world records.
We will of course still be offering the same magical, eccentric, fun-filled, cocktail-shaking day of sporting tomfoolery, specifically aimed at those who are too concerned with correct attire to make much of a physical effort. The most likely skills to succeed at the Chap Olympiad are a flair for skullduggery, a winsome smile and a stout walking cane (to trip up one’s rivals).
The only qualities required by contestants are skulduggery, subterfuge, caddishness and guile. The only preparations they need to make are within the confines of their tailor’s fitting room. Ladies need not concern themselves with anything but choosing suitable hosiery for the climate and which particular cocktail they might take several of on Saturday 14th July.