Once upon a time, one would glance at the local leisure centre’s class timetable and choose from simple yoga and aerobics lessons. Nowadays it’s all Warrior Workouts, Kangoo sessions and Bitch Boxing. What the hell are these new-fandangled forms of exercise? We’ve deciphered some of the most bizarre-sounding, but before you ask, no, we haven’t tried any of them, because we’re not masochists. But we do tell you where you can have a go yourself.
Kangoo
The name “Kangoo” refers to the footwear required for this particular exercise. They look a bit like ski boots fixed on bouncy springs, but as comical as they may appear, they’ve been designed so that your knees and back take less of the strain when you exercise. A Kangoo class may feature a mixture of aerobics and dancing. Classes are offered at Gymbox Westfield.
White Collar Sparring
Broadly speaking there are three categories of boxing: professional, amateur and white collar. White collar boxing, or sparring, is where those who practice it do it for exercise purposes rather than competitive ones. The “white collar” bit refers to the fact that the sparrers are ordinary office workers (thus excluding people from any other profession. Then again, the guys in Office Space could have done with a bit of boxing). No winner or loser is declared, and the boxing session is moderated by a coach. Do it at Gymbox Holborn, Farringdon and Covent Garden; you’ll need your own boxing gloves, head guard and mouth shield.
Bitch Boxing
The women’s equivalent of the above, as there’s nothing like a bit of female objectification to get the adrenaline pumping. When an advertising campaign was rolled out for the class by Gymbox in 2009 there were complaints that it condoned violence against women, but the Advertising Standards Authority ruled in their favour as the gym said the name simply derived from the teacher, professional boxer Cathy ‘The Bitch’ Brown. The class is offered at Third Space Soho and Gymbox Westfield. Chav Fighting, which appeared at the same time, is no longer available. Gymbox billed it a self-defence class, with the motto “martial arts with Burberry belts and a fist full of sovereign rings". Nice.
\n\nPower Plate
Essentially you plonk yourself on a vibrating platform to exercise on. The vibrations are meant to help tone and strengthen the muscles, and the effects are noticeably faster than with conventional workouts. For this reason sessions usually last just 15 to 25 minutes. Available at David Lloyd gyms and at Frame in Shoreditch, where it’s called “Vibe” (as in “feel the vibe” we want to imagine).
Zen Swimming
Loosely based on the Alexander Technique, this is essentially a very gentle form of swimming, good for beginners, as a form of relaxation, or for those moments when you simply want to feel at one with water (we’ve all been there). One Roger Golten, who also calls himself Dr Posture, is its main advocate, and having watched a YouTube clip of him do the butterfly stroke it appears that all you need to do is swim at a lackadaisical pace. He advises that your head spends a large amount of time under water so as to keep your neck and shoulders relaxed, and your arms move slowly. Lessons take place at the Marriott Park Lane for a whopping £80 an hour, or there’s a weekly class for members of Third Space in Marylebone.
\n\nBody Attack
This combines aerobics with some very energetic jumping up and down, squats and lunges, all to a soundtrack of happy hardcore. But why is it called body attack? Because you’re attacking unwanted body fat, laziness, or your body’s natural inclination to be comfortable? A bit of all three, as the aim is to burn calories and increase strength, while the loud music (and undoubtedly the loud trainer) is there to provide motivation. Many well-known gyms offer body attack sessions, including Virgin Active, David Lloyd and Nuffield Fitness Centres.
Barefoot Training
Humans haven’t always worn Nike Shox Turbos, and as it turns out there are benefits to running barefoot. Without trainers on, the front or middle of the foot is impacted the most, which allows the foot’s natural arch to deal with the force of running. Harvard University states this increases strength in the muscles of the arch and also causes less strain, as you use up less energy if you’re working the natural springs in your foot. Barefoot training is offered at Third Space, but before joining you’re required to have a biomechanical assessment to check you won’t be prone to injury if you don’t wear trainers.
Also…
Trampoline Club: You bounce up and down on a trampoline to tone your muscles. At Central YMCA.
Spinning: Cycling in a confined space without going anywhere. Many gyms offer spinning classes.
Pavement Pounding: It’s running on the street, simple as. Well, on the pavement. At Gymbox Covent Garden.
G Spot, Ripped and Stripped, Hot Bodies: Are these exercise classes or dating sessions? All at Gymbox.
