A Lament for London’s Ladies Loos

Men please look away now – I’m about to lament the miserable state of ladies’ loos in London. Particularly, but not exclusively, public loos in railway stations.

Now. Around London we have to pay between 20p to 50p to take a pee, wash our hands or fix our make-up/hair away from the prying eyes of the (male) public. I don’t mind paying in principle – but I DO mind if, after paying, I find that the facilities and service are not up to scratch.

My first grumble is that typically the public loos are downstairs. OK – there are usually lifts for those who are unable to tackle steps, or a ground level facility – although often you need to gain the attention of an attendant on the lower level to gain access!

Next problem is the entry turnstiles. The change machines are usually located some distance away creating a people eddy. And who designed them so that people enter through the same gate as those who are trying to leave at the same time? There is a fundamental failure to manage the traffic flows here.

And when you are desperate (and why else would you subject yourself to a public loo?) you really don’t want to wait in a queue while people fiddle around with change, wait for others to exit or try to communicate when neither the attendant nor the visitor speaks English very well.

There is a complete lack of clarity over whether children get in free or not. I’ve seen some attendants wave in kids for free and sometimes they allow accompanying parents in for free too. At other times I’ve watched them wait while numerous kids have had to obtain a series of coins from their parents. Surely kids get to pee for free? And fast?

Then there’s the cleanliness issue. Some loos have excellent attendants who are constantly restricting access to half the facilities while they are cleaned. I applaud their commitment to hygiene. But the timing’s all wrong. At peak time you simply cannot afford to take so many cubicles out of commission. We’re back to more queues and stress. Sometimes, the cubicles are littered with paper and other debris (eeuu!) and sometimes even worse. It’s nasty.

Then there’s the noise and tropical temperatures caused by the hand drying equipment. Yes, I know they are better for the environment than paper towels. Yes, I know that the latest machines are more efficient. But they are so loud. And when they are in constant use it means the temperature in the loos gets so high that tempers are even more likely to flare.

And I’m going to take a guess that most loo architects are male. Why? Because where are we supposed to put our handbags when there is only small wash basin space? We can put them on the floor IF it is clean – but then there’s the worry of theft. Or we can try and balance them on the side of the sink – but they are bound to get wet. Come on people, it can’t be that difficult to provide a space between bowls where you can rest a bag? Or even – as they do in some loos – a separate area where people can rest their bags and use a mirror. This prevents one of the other problems – people waiting to wash their hands while other visitors hog sink and mirror space to apply intricate make up.

But my biggest moan – and it really does make me furious – is the ineptitude of those who decide how much space there is a cubicle and their total lack of co-ordination with the manufacturers of san-pro bins.

I’m sorry, but even stick insect thin girls like Kate Moss would fail to get their bums on the toilet seat when the san-pro bins are pressed up so close to them. Normal sized women don’t stand a chance. And I really don’t want to have to move the san-pro bin out of the way so that I can sit down – because then I have to move it back again because there’s no space to open the door again with it moved away from the toilet.

If it wasn’t so thoroughly frustrating it would be funny.

So. I’m sorry to dwell on this toilet topic but unless you want to see the emergence of Loo Rage then someone needs to do something.