One for One

One For One is Park Lane’s newest private member’s club, therefore the size of the queue standing in the rain waiting to get in on Friday night is surprising. We saunter down the steps into a dark, non-descript room, save for the large LED screen with swirly patterns that hangs on the far wall. The space to dance is small, and is flanked by fiercely guarded seating areas and a very brightly lit private room.

A lengthy cocktail list has aptly titled drinks like the Mayfair, a sharp mango and orange concoction, and the Park Lane, a far sweeter blend of raspberry vodka, strawberry and apple juice. Priced at £12 your bill will quickly mount up, but that’s nothing considering the Nebuchadnezzar of Armand de Brignac Champagne is £80,000. £80,000!!! That is four years’ worth of wages for an administrative clerk, a three bedroom semi in Northumberland, a small studio flat in Edmonton, or 15 litres of Champagne on Park Lane. Which I suppose, if you were to divide between 15 people (assuming 1 litre of bubbly per individual is sufficient) is only £5,333.33 per person. That is five months’ wages for an office admin, and so on.

In any case, if you want to sashay around to commercial dance anthems feeling like part of the elite, this is the place for you. You won’t be able to sit down unless you’ve paid to reserve an area; sadly we haven’t, so we don’t get to experience the “handbag drawer” beneath the table complete with key for us to lock our valuables away, or the secret drain that stops Champagne from dripping out of its bottle, both of which prompt me to wonder whether pickpockets run amok here, or they need to switch suppliers. If all this appeals, membership is £500 per year and you’ll need to be recommended by someone from within.