There are already dozens of lists of irritating things about London in existence, all detailing the niggles we already know of, but how many actually give you a positive spin on city’s foibles? Read on for a mostly optimistic list of London’s most annoying things.
Pigeons
Pigeons, aka rats with wings, are despised by humans more than most other animals. They travel in packs, seemingly eating anything they come across and leaving corrosive droppings in their wake. But next time you walk past a flock of pigeons feeding on a piece of bread someone has thoughtfully left out for them, consider this: pigeons are a big part of the diet of peregrine falcons. Without pigeons, the majestic urban falcons – a protected species - would be very hungry indeed.
Bleeding headphones
The tube is a constant source of bother. The delays, the inflated prices, the rush hour, and tinny music bleeding from people’s headphones. Some commuters need Aphex Twin’s Come To Daddy to spur them into action of a morning while others prefer a hit of Katy Perry to get them going, but it’s safe to say the two don’t make for a good mix. Solving this is easy - just tap the offender on the shoulder and politely ask them to turn the music down. In most cases they either didn’t realise how loud their music sounds to the outside world or will be embarrassed enough to oblige. An obvious way to deal with the problem but one that isn’t employed very often.
\n\nNoise
Most Londoners live in buildings that have been converted into flats. Soundproofing is generally poor, so it’s not uncommon to hear the people next door walking up their creaky staircase, or the downstairs neighbour switching the bathroom light on. For those disturbed by the sound of, well, life, then perhaps a detached home surrounded by acres of meadow would be more appropriate. If that’s a distant prospect, there are always ear plugs. And if you’re the offendee, a flat above a shop would be suitable. Or a detached home, like the previous case, but ensure you’re far apart from each other.
Queuing
The population of London is 8.1 million. Its size is 1572 km sq. That’s 5152 per km sq, which means very, very crowded. This is why lengthy queues develop at train stations, in banks, and in post offices. Now it’s happening with restaurants too, thanks to a trend for operating no-bookings policies. Waiting in long lines is irksome, but it’s the most democratic way to ensure everyone is served. Approach it as you would a commute into work. What can you do to pass the time? Read, or listen to music on your headphones for example (quietly though, see above).
The West End on a Friday night
This one’s a no-brainer: simply avoid Leicester Square, Piccadilly Circus, and the space in between at the weekends. Leave it for the tourists and people travelling in from Bromley, as no Londoner would dream of frequenting the bars in the vicinity.
Picnicking
If you live near a park, or indeed a yard of green space, you may have noticed that on sunny days, supermarket shelves that usually stock hummus, olives and beer become empty as people panic buy before the sky clouds over again. The simplest solution is to diversify your picnic, by snacking on baby carrots and tea cakes instead of the usual fare.
\n\nBig chain stores
Branches of Tesco keep springing up on every corner, much to the chagrin of small businesses. They may have become ubiquitous, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the choice to shop at your nearest corner shop. And while it’s certainly cheap, so are a lot of local food markets.
Closing times
London isn’t a 24 hour city, despite being one of the cultural/entertainment capitals of the world. It’s very irritating that pubs boot you out by 11 pm, and that restaurants don’t stay open beyond midnight. But this might be about to change – from 2015 the underground will run till 2 am at weekends, and in 2012 the 24 hour restaurant Duck & Waffle opened to great acclaim. Check out our feature on late night drinking here.
Leaves
What in most countries around the world are regarded as normal weather conditions wreak havoc over here. You would assume that anywhere in the northern hemisphere prone to harsh winters on an annual basis there would be some sort of system in place to cope with icy roads, yet London transport is thrown into chaos when it snows, rains, or when there are “leaves on the line”. Because autumn, as picturesque as it is, is also extremely hazardous, despite the fact that leaves have been falling from trees at the same time every year since well before the railways were built. Leaves are still a very real danger, however the good news is that certain train operators have “leaf fall” timetables
